I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
