Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
