I hate all girls vehemently.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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