Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
