And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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