Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
