i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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