Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
