I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i think i scared a bird with my dick
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
