very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
