Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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