There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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