One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you had me at cake vodka
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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