Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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