Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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