Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
