I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
