Banned from zoo.
Again?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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