Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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