I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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