please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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