pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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