nut hugger
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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