Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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