So drunk its hurt
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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