I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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