Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
