i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
