i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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