at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
