A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
