I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
