I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
