I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
