okay pat passed out under dana's car
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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