I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
