Girls should come with a carfax report
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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