I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
