I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
