He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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