I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
