her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
