Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
