his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
