You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm really busy with my period
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