there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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