At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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