Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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