i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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