a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
