It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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